5K...Doin Life!



Photo courtesy of Teresa



The run was great.  Not because it happened exactly how I imagined it.  At times it was hard.  Heat, hills and humidity. Ok, so the one hill was a slight and gradual incline. But, it was on the side of Centennial Park that had no tree covering so it was full on sun.  And, our 5K in Atlanta was running around the perimeter of the park 5 times.  Therefore, a few times I walked a little when I felt very nauseated and a little dizzy.  I think we would all agree that this is when one should walk.   I know...poor me.   

The race was also fun, joyful and worthwhile.  I was running as part of the Ben Does Life unofficial 5K running tour.  There are a lot of people participating in the tour who have made substantial lifestyle changes to improve their lives.   I'm sure running is just one part of their story.    I was supported by my friend Teresa who ran with me and that was cool.  And being around all of that good will and optimism is pretty amazing.   Fox 5 Atlanta was there and did a really nice feel good story. 

Teresa and Karen (Photo courtesy of Do Life)

Last year, I hadn't seriously thought about running a 5K.  Me?  In Atlanta's heat?  As my father would say, Shhhhhh-i-i-i-i-i-t!  But I did and here's how it happened. 

First, I made a decision.  That was half the battle.  Then, a few times a week, I would get out of my bed around 6 a.m.  By 6:30, I would be out the door and on my way.   Once, I tried to run after work and that was a most horrible decision.  It was about 7 or 8 pm and it was still too hot and humid.  I don't do hot and I don't do humid.  This decision meant that I was going to have to make some changes.  I did.  It also meant that I would have to keep deciding again and again and again.  I did that too. 

The day before I was always excited about running.  It is exhilarating to think about reaching a new goal and and all of the glory I've attached to it.   That's the easy part.   I have the capacity to live a very glamorous and successful life entirely in my head.  But the morning came as it always does.  Most of the time I got out of bed on autopilot.  My eyes, glazed over like a zombie.   My body, moved like the tin man.  My mood...relatively foul.  But somehow I found myself outside with dog in tow.  Even as I started my run I would be yawning like the day was coming to an end.  I kept moving. 

Teresa, Ben and Karen

After each run, I felt completely different than when I started.  Yes, I was sweating like a pig and my body was taxed.   Yet, my mood was lifted and I felt optimistic about the world and me in it.  I felt proud.   Did I just do that?  Well, what else can I do? 

Then, one day, I found myself able to run 4 miles.  My pace is still quite slow but that's ok.  I'm not making this up or exaggerating a little.  I pretty much finished the 5K close to last.  But that was good for me and where I was on that day.  I was running my race - embracing my path, my process and my progress. 

Decide and do.  Again and again and again.

You can follow the tour either on facebook or via Ben's blog. 

Atlanta - Doin Life! (Photo courtesy of Do Life)

Drinking away the calories?

By my house is a Starbucks.   A few times a month I go through the drivethrough and pick up a cup of hot beverage.   I've had to limit myself because it can get expensive.  Sometimes I stop by Quicktrip where I can get a hot coffee drink for about $1.27 for a medium sized coffee.   I think that is the cheapest coffee that I know of that I'm willing to drink.  McDonald's coffee is around the same price.  Even if it's cheap, this isn't the best way to spend my precious dollars.  So, I mostly brew my coffee at home and bring it with me to work.  It's less expensive and I can have more control of the sugar and fat content. 

With all of the fancy and delicious coffee drinks comes calories.  It is easy to drink up a lot of calories and not even be aware of it.  One of my favorite drinks at Starbucks is the Tazo Chai Tea Latte which I order, size grande (16 oz) with 2% milk and a shot of expresso.  AKA a Dirty Chai.  This is 240 calories.  For comparison, most 12 oz soft drinks are 140-150 calories.  There are ways to reduce the calories.

Grande (16 oz) Dirty Chai with 2% milk =  240 calories

Grande (16 oz) Dirty Chai with skim milk = 200 calories

Tall (12 oz) Dirty Chai with 2%  milk = 180 calories

Tall (12 oz) Dirty Chai with skim milk = 150 calories

Of course, the more I take away, the less enthusiastic I will be about drinking it.  But these are all options to consider.  My preference is option one but if I'm watching calories, my second option would be to have a little less of a good thing which would be the Tall Dirty Chai with 2% milk for 180 calories.  I have cut away 60 calories. 

Sometimes, I will order a Tall Vanilla Latte, with skim milk which is 150 calories.  This is pretty satisfying.  Starbucks, by the way, usually makes their drinks with 2% milk unless you specify otherwise. 

As you know, adding delicious whipped cream is added calories.  If you hold the whip, you can save anywhere from 50-100 calories or 5-11 grams of fat.  Of course this variation is based on the size of the drink.  For example, a Tall (12 oz) Cinnamon Dolce with 2% milk and whipped cream is 270 calories.  Without the whip it is 200 calories. 

Usually, when I'm in line at Starbucks and hear someone ordering one of these fabulous drinks with a very long name, the size is usually Grande (16 oz) or Venti (20 oz).   It would be pretty easy to consume 300-500 calories with a drink of this size.

Nutritional guides can be found online.  For this post I selected Starbucks but here are a few more to review: Caribou Coffee, Dunkin Donuts, Panera Bread. and McDonald's.

Happy Father's Day

In honor of Father's Day, I thought I would recyle an older post.  It was previously included with a recipe I called Daddy's Ambrosia.  I read it again this morning and felt that it captured my sentiments exactly.  Here it is again.  I hope it helps you to appreciate and love your father a little more.

A Tribute to My Father

I did not know how much you loved me until recently. When I was much younger I expected your love to come in the form of hugs, kisses and tenderness. This was not your way, nor was it your father’s way. I thought if it wasn’t the Cleaver’s or Cosby’s love, then there was no love. And sometimes mothers, because of the challenges that they face with the fathers add more complexities, impediments and smoke screens. And while little girls need the affection of their fathers, they also need a whole lot more. For so long I was asleep but now I am awake. Now it is quite clear to me. Love is provided in many different ways.

You loved me when you came home every night of my life. I remember lying in my bed and hearing the quick heavy steps in the kitchen and hallway. There was never a concern of where you were, what you were doing and who you were with because you were working. You had your government job by day and your tax business by night. I did not ever worry about the basics. There were also piano lessons, sports and camp – all requiring an investment of time and money. Even with that we were given a weekly allowance after completing our chores. You provided a stable home thus a firm foundation.

I remember when you taught me to ride a bike. You propelled me forward and yelled Pedal, pedal, pedal! I swerved and wobbled along the street trying to understand the relationship between pedaling and steering my new bike. Later, you taught me to drive a car and yelled Stay in your lane! Learning to ride a bike was much more fun.

You loved me when you required that I be educated. How many times did you tell me and my brothers about the importance of education? Girl…guess what? I walked 5 miles to school. You told me that grandpa wanted both of his girls to be educated, just in case they ended up marrying somebody sorry. That was a pretty strong conviction to have for girls born in the 30’s and 40’s.

You loved me by sharing stories about our history. You were born in 1934 in North Augusta, South Carolina. It was not the best time but it was your time. When a teen, you had to deny that you were in school so that you could get summer jobs. They wouldn’t hire you if they thought you were smart and trying to get an education. No suh…I don’t go to no school. And guess what girl? At the end of the summer we quit those jobs. Oh yeah…oh yeah! Then, you laugh hysterically. Later, you took your education, went to the bus station and got a one-way ticket to New York. The decision of how far north to go was based on what you had in your pocket that day. You did not allow your history to be a problem for me.

You also talked about Big Ma’s (your grandmother) house and how everybody would gather there together on Sundays. Everybody may have gone to different churches that morning but on Sunday afternoon you met at Big Ma’s house. During the week, your parents and 7 siblings ate off the land and didn’t eat meat every day. Dinner might have been some field peas and tomatoes. Nawww girl….we didn’t eat meat every day. No, no…nawwwwww. You told me about pound cakes that could stand up because that’s how big and dense they were. Even today when you mention these pound cakes you take off laughing. From time to time you ask me if I remember going down to the country. Coming from Maryland, visiting North Augusta was the country. But while there, I remember going down long dirt roads that never seemed to end, a car without air conditioning, and hot vinyl seats that my brown legs stuck to in the dead of summer. So yes, I remember. You always ask me if I remember something…probably so I won’t forget. Isn’t this also love?

And throughout my life you have loved me through jobs, relocations and apartments. You ask me about bosses, friends and places I have long forgotten. I remember when I called to tell you that I bought my first home. I never heard such excitement from you. Girl, that was the best thing you could have done for yourself! Over the years, you have loved me in so many different ways. It doesn’t really matter if I was paying attention or not. I was still being loved.

5K, Just a Week Away!

I am a week away from my first 5K.   I am participating in the Ben Does Life Running tour.  I'm excited about the run except for the starting time of 10 am.  Ben doesn't know...he just don't know.  He don't know that it is too doggone hot to start running at 10 am in the ATL.  But this is Ben's first 5K running tour so it is ok if everything isn't perfection.  I am going to support the tour because the premise of Ben Does life is that if you hate your life...do something about it. 

I thought I would share a few journal entries about my running struggles and triumphs.  I capture just about everything in my journal.    I have one other blog about this personal goal.   

November 18, 2010

Yesterday was weird for me.  I felt completely insane at times.  Irritated, anxious, mad, etc.  Probably the best part about yesterday was getting in my 4 mile run/walk.  I can't call it a 4 mile run yet.  ...this is the longest time I've sustained this activity longer than a week or two.  I think this started for me back in September.  I must say I'm fascinated with the process of becoming a runner. 

January 2, 2011

The weather should be nice enough for me to jog at the park.  Time to get back into a work out routine.   I woke up feeling like I need to lose weight and feeling heavy.  So-- time to do something about it.  I was on a good roll until I started working* about a month ago.

*For most of 2010 I had been laid off but was able to work contractually from home.

March 6, 2011

The last few weeks I've increased my distance for my walk/run.  Maybe I should just call it running.  I'm up to 5 miles and about half of it is running.

May 1, 2011

I reached a milestone with my running.  I jogged 1.2 miles without stopping.  I am accepting that to reach my goal of running a 5K at the end of June I am going to have to exercise (i.e...run) a few days a week when most days I am not going to want to do that.

May 11, 2011

After work (yesterday) I went to the park to get in my exercise.  I had much trepidation because it was about 90 degrees outside.  The hour before I kept going back and forth about going.  I can barely imagine myself running.  In the heat?  OMG!  But the realization that I had was that I will always come up with an excuse not to exercise on a particular day.  So I went.  I completed 3 miles and incorporated more walking and was glad I had my water bottle in hand.

May 17, 2011

I went jogging before work with good 'ole Brandi.  She is extra when I'm trying to jog.  I mostly jogged from here (home) to Home Depot and back (~2 miles).  It has been unseasonably cool so it felt great outside.

May 28, 2011

I've been consistently running 2 miles.  This morning I want to take it a little further.  *Maybe 2.5 miles?  We'll see. 

*I ended up running 3 miles.  When I was in the second mile, I said to myself, I think you can do another mile.  And I did.

May 31, 2011

How did Monday get here so fast?  My weekend was fabulous.  I mean it.  I ran 3 miles twice!  The first time was much easier than the second.  Yesterday, it was just too hot.  I realized that if I am going to run outside at all I will need to be finished by 9 a.m.  Yesterday, I started at 9 a.m.  I feel quite accomplished.  Yesterday, I willed myself through each mile because I was sooo uncomfortable.  Between each mile I got a sip of water.  Soon, I'll be running five miles.  I can see it quite clearly now.  But no pressure.

June 16, 2011

I ditched Brandi today.  Like I said, she can be Xtra.  Xtra is not what I need when I'm trying to run.  So I left her at home and went to Mountain Park around 6:30 a.m.  There was this older gentleman running in an opposite direction from me.  The first time we jogged past each other, he looked up and gave me a big smile.  When we passed each other during my second mile, he looked up with surprise and said Hey!  I just smiled back at him.  At the start of the third mile we passed each other again and he said...Well...Alright!!!   This time I laughed.  When I was close to completing the fourth mile he started clapping as I approached and said...Great job!  I said, almost done!   He nodded with approval, clapped some more and said again, Great job!  I completed 4 miles, another milestone, and it took me about an hour.  

If I can do it, you can too. 

Best Ever Banana Bread

Best Ever Banana Bread
3 large overripe bananas
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup vegetable oil*
1 1/2 cup whole wheat flour*
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts*

I mixed all of this together in a food processor in the same order as the ingredients listed above starting with breaking down the bananas in the processor.  *I substituted whole wheat flour for white flour and vegetable oil for butter.  I also added chopped nuts.  Once all of the items are mixed together, pour into a non-stick loaf pan.  Although this type of pan is suppose to be non-stick, I still spray it with a baking spray like Baker's Joy.   Bake for an hour in a preheated 325 degree oven. 

This recipe is from the Faculty Favorites cookbook. Faculty members of the Magothy River Middle School in Arnold, Maryland put this together in 1990 as part of a fundraising effort. My mother was a faculty member there and taught special education. A previous post on Carrot Tea Bread was actually from this same cookbook although I originally thought it might have been from a Betty Crocker cookbook.



The Single Life 3 - Elliott's Thoughts on Singlehood

I follow Bella DePaulo's Living Single blog.  Bella often has very refreshing and interesting observations.   The discussions that follow her posts are intelligent, engaging and thoughtful.  There was a recent post by guest blogger Elliott Lewis which was quite profound and for me...oh...so...relatable.  I've expressed similar thoughts in a previous post.  I've also blogged about dating as a tool to learn more about yourself and what you want.  I've reposted Elliott's blog below and included Bella's Introduction. 

Published on June 5, 2011 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single   Bella's Introduction: If you are married, chances are that you do not have an intriguing life story about how it is that you decided that you wanted to get married. Sure, you may have wondered about the particular person, or the right time in your life to do it. But as for the decision as to whether to marry - it is still mostly a given. Because getting married is assumed, the stories about recognizing your claim to single life become the more interesting ones. The stories are likely to differ according to the demographic categories we know so well - race, age, sex, country, city or small town, rich or poor, and so forth. Perhaps even more interestingly, the process of embracing your single life is different for people like me who are single at heart, compared to people such as our guest blogger, Elliott Lewis, who sees himself as closer to a quirkyalone. I'm so grateful to Elliott Lewis for sharing his story with Living Single readers. You can read more about him in the brief bio at the end of this post.

Embracing Single Life by Elliott Lewis
Embracing married life is a given; single life, a processs

I am a walking dating disaster. Seriously. Here are my stats:

I'm over 40. Never been married. Never had a serious relationship. Never even went to my high school prom. I was well into my twenties the first time a woman ever spent the night with me. Now, I go out on a date about once a year.

And you know what? I'm actually pretty happy with my life as a confirmed bachelor.

I was never one who wanted to marry early. But like most people, I just assumed it would eventually happen. So as the years went by and it became evident that I wasn't making any progress on the relationship front, I went into counseling.

My shrink suggested I would have been better off if I had been born and raised in a culture where marriages are arranged. Dating, she said, is how we weed out the field of potential partners. In societies where marriages are arranged, the extended family does the weeding out for you.

"You have several qualities that would serve you well in a marriage," my psychologist told me. "You would be a good husband and father... But it's the dating process that's messing you up."

She was right.

I had never been good at dating. I could play the game up to a point, but I couldn't close the deal. And my repeated failures in that department had left a lasting impression.

The failures are with me still.

There are three women in my past who I considered to be marriage material. So much so that I would have moved to the other side of the earth to be with them.

But they were not interested. Not at all.

Oh, sure, women have told me that I'm easy to talk to ("You're a good listener"), that I have a good sense of humor ("You crack me up"), that I'm a generally nice guy ("You're a hard act to follow"). Blah, blah, blah.

But I'm not into contemporary notions of chivalry, and I tend to reject stereotypical gender roles. I don't go to church because I am not religious. A cousin of mine says I am "too logical in my thinking" to be married. Apparently, I am not what most women are looking for in a boyfriend, either.

As my psychologist tried to explain to me, if I really wanted to fall in love, settle down, and start a family, I would have to make some changes in how I approached the whole dating process.

Dating is a sort of social dance, and I never learned how to perform some of the steps. I would have to learn them now, a bit later in life than most people, if I was ever going to be successful in finding a partner.

As my shrink made clear, the relationship skills that I needed to work on could not be acquired within the four walls of her office. It would take some practice. And the only way to get that practice was to date. In other words, I'd have to make a few more trips through the very fires that had landed me in counseling in the first place. Honestly, I wasn't eager to take those steps.

That's when I had to confront a basic question: How badly did I really want a wife and kids and all the rest of it? Obviously, not badly enough to make it a priority.

While it's virtually impossible to summarize nine months of psychotherapy in a 900-word blog post, one of the things I learned through it all was this: It would be perfectly alright if I remained single. And that's exactly what has happened.

My single life, if I may say so, is working out pretty well. I built a successful career moving from job to job and city to city, climbing the career ladder with each move into new territory. I've traveled all over the world, stamping my passport in nearly a dozen different countries. Two years ago, I up and moved again and started law school. In other words, I've had the freedom to do a variety of things I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I were married. And I'm not finished yet.

Somewhere along the way, I became comfortable with my bachelorhood. While I am still open to the possibility of finding a long-term partner, I am not planning on it. When asked where I see myself in ten years, marriage and family are no longer in my extended forecast.

Are there days when I wish I was in a relationship? Of course. Just like a lot of happily married people have days when they wish they were single.

So if someone happens to cross my path and it seems like we could hit it off, I may still test the waters. But I am not interested in online dating, or being fixed up, or "putting myself out there." Instead, I am focused on living the best single life I can.

It's a choice that others have a hard time accepting.

"You know what I think your problem is?" They'll begin, sincerely believing that they're being helpful. "You're picking the wrong women."

"Just don't give up," they'll argue. "There's someone out there for you!"

Others are more blunt: "Are you sure you're not gay?"

Oh, brother. Those of us who have embraced the single life do not want to hear any of this. If anything, we'd like a little reassurance that happiness can be found anywhere - yes, even outside of couplehood.

"I'll make a deal with you," I told one of my married friends. "I won't try to talk you into getting a divorce; you don't try to talk me into getting coupled."

Silence.

"Maybe you're just not looking in the right place," he finally said.

"You still don't get it," I told him. "I'm not really looking at all."

Elliott Lewis is a former television journalist, current law student, and the author of Fade: My Journeys in Multiracial America. The book explores biracial identity and interracial family issues. He is also single. Visit his website at www.lewisfreelance.com.

The Food in Memphis

I'm sure there is phenomenal food in Memphis but I didn't have any.  I stayed in the downtown Memphis area which is a tourist area.  Generally, tourism and great food do not go together.  Part of exhaling for me is to not be encumbered by a car.   I prefer to be on the metro or on foot when visiting another city.  If I had gone to Memphis strictly in search of really good food, I would have rented a car and found it. 

In a previous post I mentioned the Blue Plate Cafe which I described as good diner food.  I looked at the Trip Advisor reviews and Urbanspoon reviews.  Some people raved about the place and others hated it.  I found the food to be satisfying with the exception of some crap I sent back.



The Blue Plate Cafe



I went to the Blues City Cafe on Beale Street.  Leslie, my hotel frontdeskman, told me I had to go there.  When he talked about the catfish, he closed his eyes, leaned his head way back and went to a sacred place.   Leslie is a young black man, probably in his early thirties. 

I decided to try it out.  I was seated by an older black couple from Memphis.  The wife proudly told me that she was sixty-three.  I looked around the restaurant rather suspiciously.  I leaned towards them lowering my voice,  This food any good?  They said, Oh yeah!!!  Three black southerners living in Memphis and representing different generations.   I was getting excited. 

Well...it was just ok to me.  I will say that the catfish was very fresh and hot.   It was fried crispy on the outside and was tender and moist on the inside.  What more could I want?  Seasoning.  The prevalent flavor outside of the catfish was that of cornmeal.  Like the couple beside me, many folks put hot sauce on their fried fish.  Not me.  And my Maryland mouth was expecting some Old Bay - like seasoning.   Why was there toast on the plate?  

Note to self: Stop assuming what black people, or any groups for that matter, should be in agreement about (food, music, Obama, whateva).  Clearly, Khloe & Lamar have more in common than Karen & Lamar.

What I liked most about the restaurant was the aesthetics. The interior was more bar than restaurant and the colors more bordello than bar.

Blues City Cafe



Restaurant, bar or...bordello?

On Saturday morning I went searching for food on Beale Street.
 

I went to Miss Polly's Soul City Cafe.  In the photo above, it was midway down the street on the left.  I didn't enjoy this dining experience at all.  This was the worst for me.  Believe it or not, they were playing loud Memphis music at 9 a.m.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to tolerate it.  So I just ordered something quick so I could get the heck out of there.  I had a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.  It tasted greasy and artificial.   I know a delicious sausage biscuit like the one I get from Pastries a GoGo where the biscuit and turkey sausage is homemade. 

Greasy, greasy, greasy

Believe it or not, my best dining experiences happened by chance at Bahama Breeze outside the Wolfchase Galleria.  I ended up there rather impulsively in search of jeans.  Do you know how much it costs to take a cab from downtown Memphis to the Wolfchase Galleria?  Let's just say that the ride is about 30 minutes and I have yet to wear those jeans.

There was a really nice patio with live music. It was full so I sat inside where I could watch the live music.

I ordered a bunch of appetizers which were half off due to happy hour.  I ordered West Indies Beef Patties, Jamaican Grilled Chicken Wings and a side Breeze salad.  It was fresh and delicious - an unexpected treat.

Hands down, my best meal came from a chain restaurant in suburban Tennessee.

Have a Happy Life

Gerber Daisies

And you too can have a happy life!  Meaningful relationships, satisfying employment with sufficient income, spirituality, goals, hobbies and entertainment are all key to my happy life. 

Another minor thing that makes a major difference is my home.  At the end of the work day,  I always feel a sense of relief and joy when I pull into my driveway.  My home is my inner sanctum and I have intentionally designed it that way.  This is one, of many, wonderful things about being single.  You have total control over creating the home and life that you want for your self.  It is all on you.  I say this in the spirit of Toni Morrison who said, "If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."     Being single has its rewards and this isn't being said or written about enough.  But as I was saying, or in summary, I've discovered that an important part of having a happy life is creating a beautiful home for yourself where you want to return to at the end of a long day.

There are a lot of simple things to do to create a happy home for yourself.  I don't think that your home has to be Spic and Span clean but there should be order.  Everything in your home can't be out of place.  My mother would say, Karen, everything has a place.  She would say this as she handed me my shoes, my backpack and everthing else that I deposited daily in the kitchen after school. So, just multiply this by 3 to account for my two sibblings.  I guess that is why she would also shake her head back and forth and ask the Lord for help...Lawd...have mercy! 

It's also nice to have plants and flowers around.  Even if you don't have a green thumb, you can purchase flowers every now and them and stick them in a vase with water.  Just yesterday, I purchased 6 Gerber Daisies for $5.78 from the DeKalb Farmer's Market.  Actually, they were in bunches of 3 for $2.98.  That is cheaper than a happy meal.  I placed these pink daisies on the mantel of my fireplace.  That'll make me happy for about a week. 

Scents are also important in a home.  Beside my daisies on my mantel is my oil burner.  I'm always burning something.  I have candles and oil burners in my living room and in my boudoir (my private lady suite AKA bedroom).   My favorite scents are lavender, vanilla and eucalyptus mint.  All of these are calming.  Sometimes I burn a little eucalyptus mint in the morning  just to help me get going.

Oil burner beside daisies

There is something to aromatherapy.  One day, not long ago, someone came into my office at the end of the day and talked about all of their work troubles for about an hour.  Because of this, I left work late and felt moody from listening to all of their troubles.  And these weren't even troubles when you think about what troubles are in the real sense of the word.   Being disturbed, I stopped by the CVS on my way home and picked up a new candle which was a mixture of lavendar and sage.  Once I made it back to my sanctuary, I laid on my sofa and burned my candle.  An hour later, I was back to normal. 

Make your home a part of your happy life.